{"id":166,"date":"2009-12-17T21:59:53","date_gmt":"2009-12-18T02:59:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/?p=166"},"modified":"2014-05-11T00:16:12","modified_gmt":"2014-05-11T05:16:12","slug":"songs-of-the-parking-lot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/2009\/12\/17\/songs-of-the-parking-lot\/","title":{"rendered":"Songs of the Parking Lot"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bill Stifler with Tim Dills, Denis Kiely, and Bill Teem<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

Fall semester 2009 saw Chattanooga State involved in a building project that has extended beyond the expected completion date. As a consequence, faculty and staff found themselves shuttling across Amnicola Highway from the old Sears service center parking lot. Despite the obvious inconvenience, over time a sense of camaraderie developed as we spent more time with colleagues we seldom saw in our normal routines. One of my favorite TV shows is the ABC show <\/span> Whose Line Is It Anyway?<\/em> <\/span> with Drew Carey. The following is a parody of one of their musical routines in honor of our recent campus \u201cadventure.\u201d<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Songs of the Parking Lot<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

Ryan:<\/strong> We’re here today to present this compilation album <\/span> Songs of the Parking Lot<\/em> <\/span> . This 16 long play vinyl set contains great songs like the Creedence Clearwater Revival hit \u201cWhining on the River\u201d (\u201cRollin’ on the River\u201d)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Whining, whining, whining on the river
\nWhining, whining, whining on the river . . . <\/span><\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cullen:<\/strong> And that’s not all. This collection features every musical genre. Take this old folk song \u201cCross the Amnicola\u201d (\u201cOh, Shenandoah\u201d)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh Parking Lot, I long to see you
\nAway, cross Amnicola
\nOh, Parking Lot, I long to see you
\nAway, I’m Bound Away
\nCross the Amnicola<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

It’s been five long months since last I saw you
\nOh Faculty Parking Lot
\nIt’s been so long, oh how I’ve missed you
\nAway, I’m bound away
\nCross Amnicola<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cullen:<\/strong> That brings tears to my eyes.<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ryan:<\/strong> Well, then you’re going to love this old song, too, \u201cHome to the Lot\u201d (\u201cHome on the Range\u201d)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh, give me a lot where no bulldozers roam
\nAnd the staff and the faculty park . . . \u201c<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

and this classic folk song \u201cPoor Bus Riding Teacher\u201d (“Poor Wayfaring Stranger”)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am a poor bus riding teacher
\nI have a hard row I must hoe
\nBut there\u2019s no parking for this creature
\nOn that campus to which I go<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m going there
\nTo give an exam
\nSo turn off your cell phone
\nI\u2019m going over Amnicola
\nI\u2019m only going over home<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I know dirt piles
\nWill gather round me
\nI know the ride will be cramped and hot
\nBut the asphalt they are a-pouring
\nWhere one day will be a parking lot<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well I\u2019m going there
\nTo share some knowledge
\nOnce I get through this construction zone
\nI\u2019m going over Amnicola
\nI\u2019m only going over home.<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The fall semester will soon be over
\nIt will disappear without a trace
\nCan\u2019t believe I paid for a decal
\nAnd didn\u2019t get a parking space <\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m going there
\nTo meet with my Dean
\nTell him I\u2019m going to roam
\nI\u2019m leaving this sweet Amnicola
\nI\u2019m only going over home.<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ryan:<\/strong> Cullen, what would you pay for a once-in-a-lifetime collection like this? <\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cullen:<\/strong> I\u2019d pay a million dollars . . . ok . . . probably not that much.<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ryan:<\/strong> Boy, are you in luck. This 16 vinyl set can be yours for the low, low price of $500, and you will have the satisfaction of knowing that every cent of that money will go into hauling off the mountains of bad dirt, the old broken pieces of pavement, and the worn out tires from the vans and shuttle bus.<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cullen:<\/strong> Speaking of bad dirt, you don’t want to miss that Lynrd Skynrd hit \u201cBad Dirt Blues\u201d or this blues number \u201cThat Old Blacktop Magic\u201d (\u201cThat Old Black Magic\u201d)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That Old Blacktop magic’s got me in its spell
\nThat Old Blacktop magic that I loved so well
\nI’d drive in slowly and I’d find my place
\nI’d park all day and then I’d leave my space . . . <\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cullen:<\/strong> And if you charge it to your credit card in the next ten minutes, we will also throw in this special bonus album, <\/span> Christmas Songs of the Shuttle Bus<\/em> <\/span> with such perennial favorites as<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019ll Have a Blue Permit by Christmas
\nWe Three Shuttle Bus Drivers
\nI\u2019ll Be Parking by Christmas
\nO Parking Lot, O Parking Lot
\nGrandma Got Run Over by the Shuttle<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ryan:<\/strong> And that\u2019s not all. With your prepaid order, you will also get this genuine free blue parking permit. \u201cIf you walked into any store and asked for an album like this, they would say you were crazy\u201d [Billy Mays pitchline]. And don\u2019t overlook the great rock hits on this album like \u201cImagine\u201d (“Imagine” by John Lennon)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Imagine there\u2019s no changes\u2026
\nIt\u2019s easy if you try
\nA parking lot out front
\nOut back more, I could cry
\nImagine all the students
\nParking in their lot
\nYou may say we\u2019re dreamers
\nBut we\u2019re not just singing this tune
\nI hope someday we\u2019ll park here again
\nBut I wouldn\u2019t count on it soon.<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Or this hit by the Monkees, \u201cLast Van to Sears\u201d (“Last Train to Clarksville” by the Monkees)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Take the last van to Sears
\nAnd I\u2019ll meet you at the bus cone
\nYou have to be there by four thirty
\nCause the bus driver\u2019s going home
\nDon\u2019t be slow, oh no, no, no
\nOh no, no, no<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cullen:<\/strong> Ryan, you know I love Sheena Easton.<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ryan:<\/strong> Oh, yes, she is a beautiful woman with a beautiful voice.<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cullen:<\/strong> Well, do you know my favorite Sheena Easton song? <\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ryan:<\/strong> No, what is it?<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cullen:<\/strong> It\u2019s \u201cMy Teacher Takes the Morning Van\u201d (\u201cMy Baby Takes the Morning Train\u201d)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My teacher takes the morning van
\nHe works from nine till five and then
\nHe takes another van again
\nTo find me waitin’ for him<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ryan:<\/strong> Cullen, that was beautiful, but I have to say, I like a little sauce in a woman\u2019s voice, and no one is sweeter than Tammy Wynette singing \u201cStand By Your Van.\u201d (\u201cStand By Your Man\u201d)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sometimes it\u2019s hard to be a Chatt Stater
\nTrying real hard not to be a hater
\nYou\u2019ll have bad times
\nAnd you\u2019ll have good times
\nThey\u2019ll be things you don\u2019t understand
\nBut you love it so you\u2019ll forgive it
\nEven though you can\u2019t understand
\nAnd if you love it
\nOh be proud of it
\nCause after all it\u2019s just a van
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Stand by your van
\nGive it two cheeks to rest on
\nAnd something warm to come to
\nWhen days are cold and lonely
\nStand by your van
\nAnd tell the world you love it
\nKeep giving all that you can
\nStand by your van
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Stand by your van
\nAnd show the world you love it
\nKeep giving all that you can
\nStand by your van<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cullen:<\/strong> Well, you know, I grew up in Canada, but my favorite state in the U.S. is Tennessee, and I love their state song, \u201cParking Lot, Tennessee\u201d (\u201cRocky Top, Tennessee\u201d)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wish I was in that parking lot
\nDown off Amnicola Lane
\nAin\u2019t no asphalt on that parking lot
\nAin\u2019t it a big ole pain
\nOnce we could park in that parking lot
\nHalf faculty the other half staff
\nWide as a Ford, long as a Cadillac
\nWe still dream about that
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Parking lot, you\u2019ll always be
\nHome sweet home to me
\nGood ole parking lot
\nParking lot Tennessee, parking lot Tennessee
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once some dozers tore up parking lot
\nAnd left a big hole to fill
\nDozers still sit in that parking lot
\nWonder if they always will.
\nCars can\u2019t park at all on parking lot
\nDirt\u2019s too soggy by far
\nThat\u2019s why all the folks at Chatt State
\nGo to Sears to park their cars
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Parking lot, you\u2019ll always be
\nHome sweet home to me
\nGood ole parking lot
\nParking lot Tennessee, parking lot Tennessee
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We\u2019ve had months of cramped up parking life
\nTrapped like chicks in a pen
\nWe all know it\u2019s a pity life
\nWish it were simple again
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Parking lot, you\u2019ll always be
\nHome sweet home to me
\nGood ole parking lot
\nParking lot Tennessee, parking lot Tennessee
\nParking lot Tennessee, parking lot Tennesee
\nParking lot Tennesseee eee eee eee<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ryan:<\/strong> Now I know, some of you are still saying $500 is a lot of money, but when you break it down, it comes out to a little more than $2 a song, and that practically amounts to the money you saved in gas and road wear by not driving onto the campus parking lot all semester.<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cullen:<\/strong> Speaking of which, you don’t want to miss this great Josh Turner country hit<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c Chatt State Bus\u201d (\u201cLong Black Train\u201d)<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There’s a Chatt State Shuttle,
\nComin’ down the line,
\nFeedin’ off the teachers that are lost and cryin’,
\nWheels of sin, only evil remains
\nWatch out brother for that Chatt State Bus
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Look to the heavens
\nYou can look to the skies
\nYou won’t find redemption
\nStaring back into your eyes
\nThere’s no protection and no
\nPeace the same, burnin’ your ticket for that
\nChatt State Bus
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh, there’s cryin’ at the school today
\nCryin’ at the school
\nHang on brother, don’t you feel no shame
\nJust forget your riding on
\nthat Chatt State Bus
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There’s some old driver on that Chatt State Bus,
\nMakin’ you wonder if the ride is worth the pain,
\nHe’s just a hoping that your heart will say
\nLet me ride on that Chatt State Bus,
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh, there’s cryin’ at the school today
\nCryin’ at the school
\nHang on sister, don’t you feel no shame
\nJust forget your riding on
\nthat Chatt State Bus
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

(This here’s the musical interlude)
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well, I can see him comin’ from a mile away,
\nIt looks so frightful
\nBut I can’t get away
\nThat bus is a terror, makin’ everybody stare
\nBut its only destination is the Sears parking lot,
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But, there’s victory at the school today,
\nVictory at the school
\nThe pavin’s over and the lot is done
\nOh, I won’t be riding on that Chatt State Bus
\n<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I said hang on tight, cause the pavin’s done
\nAnd don’t go ridin’ on that Chatt State Bus
\nYeah, watch out sister for that Chatt State Bus
\nTammy Swenson’s drivin’ that Chatt State Bus<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thanks to Tim Dills for the lyrics to \u201cPoor Bus Riding Teacher,\u201d \u201cImagine,\u201d \u201cLast Van to Sears,\u201d \u201cMy Teacher Takes the Morning Van,\u201d \u201cStand By Your Van,\u201d and \u201cParking Lot, Tennessee.\u201d Thanks to Denis Kiely for the suggestion of the Billy Mays pitchline, and to Bill Teem, who suggested several Christmas album titles. Thanks also to Drew Carey and the Whose Line<\/em> cast for their inspiration.<\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

P.S. To further our parking woes, a sinkhole has appeared in the faculty parking in front of the Industrial Tech building. We may actually become the College on the River if we get more rain.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a9 Bill Stifler, 2009<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bill Stifler with Tim Dills, Denis Kiely, and Bill Teem Fall semester 2009 saw Chattanooga State involved in a building project that has extended beyond the expected completion date. As a consequence, faculty and staff found themselves shuttling across Amnicola Highway from the old Sears service center parking lot. Despite the obvious inconvenience, over time […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[60,59,61,58],"class_list":["post-166","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-whimsy","tag-abc","tag-drew-carey","tag-music-parody","tag-whose-line-is-it-anyway"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1tPlD-2G","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/166","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=166"}],"version-history":[{"count":31,"href":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/166\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":348,"href":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/166\/revisions\/348"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=166"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=166"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billstifler.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=166"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}